


Easy Goes

by Pie_pecans_and_parrots



Series: How We Love In The Shadows [8]
Category: NCT (Band), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha Seo Youngho | Johnny, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Betrayal, Distrust, Everyone Is Gay, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun-centric, M/M, Mother Hen Qian Kun, Racism, Riding On Kun's Van... Keep driving, Shadow Realm, To Be Continued, Unrequited Love, Werewolves, Worldbuilding, Xenophobia, doyoung ://, faerie!Sicheng, human!jisung, i love kun with all my heart so im so sorry he's all over this fic, im sorry, keep drivingggg, kun-ma, mentions of fae royalty, or is it....???, shadowhunter!Doyoung, shadowhunter!Taeil, sicheng a damb politician, warlock!Chenle, warlock!Kun, warlock!renjun, werewolf!Johnny, werewolf!Lucas, werewolf!jaehyun, werewolf!yuta, why is everything in this series so fkn sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 01:49:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17013264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pie_pecans_and_parrots/pseuds/Pie_pecans_and_parrots
Summary: It had always been simple. Until it wasn't.





	Easy Goes

Jaehyun sat next to Johnny trying to avoid looking at Doyoung too much.

His sort-of-not-really-boyfriend was sitting up on the dais where the rest of the adult Shadowhunters at the Institute were sitting. He had his public face on – a mixture of carefully constructed bored and pride. He looked good. He always looked good – but today, like the rest of the Shadowhunters, he was in full armour, with his hair up off his face. The leader of the Institute was in full ceremonial gear, polished metal of his chest plate and ornate broadsword shining in subtle warning.

For all the talk of alliance and friendship – they were still up there, and the Downworlders were down here.

It also didn’t escape his notice that Taeil wasn’t present at the meeting, despite being one of the senior members of the Institute and one of their best warriors. Taeil’s relationship with not one, but _two_ Downworlders was not unknown – and though outwardly, the conclave couldn’t express their xenophobia without endangering the tentative partnership with the Downworlders, it was the subtle gestures that showed it. Like him not being permitted to sit in on the meetings. Yuta had advocated not to come, making some half-hearted excuse about having a headache. But their other partner – the fae that Jaehyun had only met a few times – was sitting amongst his people, watching the meetings through half-lidded eyes. There were only three fae present at the meeting, Sicheng, a delicate looking female that Johnny had said was the Queen of the Seelie Court, and a pretty boy with violently red hair and sky blue eyes.

In fact the Downworlder turn out was… meagre to say the least. The werewolves were the biggest group sitting in the huge hall, representatives from three different packs had come, including the three of them.

Jaehyun couldn’t blame those who hadn’t elected to come.

There was something about the whole haughty formality of it, the condescension, that set his teeth on edge – wolf on high alert.

Johnny stood up then, and Jaehyun tried to refocus, sitting straighter and trying to take up more room in his seat, as his leader detailed their patrol movements and the increasing demon activity. He could feel Doyoung’s eyes flittering over him, and tried to catch his eye. The older man looked away, wrinkling his nose slightly. Jaehyun pushed away the faint hurt that panged his heart.

He knew it was necessary. He knew that Doyoung didn’t want the Institute to know about them – whatever they were. It was just easier. And they liked things to be easy, liked the simple ebb and flow of their relationship.

It didn’t mean it didn’t sting when he couldn’t even say hello.

 

* * *

 

They called for a recess, and Jaehyun slid out of his seat quickly, nodding at Johnny who gave a little smile.

Hurrying out of the Institute, he took a left, and went down the side of the building, heading towards the little garden that he always came to. Their place.

He knew he was probably rushing – would probably have to wait until Doyoung was released for a break. So he was surprised to hear voices from the garden already.

“-he’ll be here soon, so would you go?”

“You don’t give me the orders, boy. You remember what you have to do.”

Jaehyun recognized the first voice, Doyoung – though the cold tone was unfamiliar. He paused in his approach, staying out of sight around the corner of the brick building, but still in earshot.

“I’m not a child. How long have I been doing this for? He trusts me. The pack trusts me – we’ll always have their allegiance. Their adherence.” Doyoung’s voice could freeze ice. Jaehyun felt his heart stutter. He was not supposed to hear this – he didn’t _want_ to hear this. “That puppy would give his life for me, and so the pack would give their lives for us, if necessary.”

“We’ve got strong ties to them, you and Taeil are doing the angel’s work – even if he doesn’t realise he is.” The second man sounded amused.

“Taeil’s a good man, just a fool. Let him have his fun – as long as it means we can keep them close.” Doyoung said.

Jaehyun felt ill.

Taking a deep breath, he made himself still – and stared up at the patch of grey sky between the two buildings he was between.

He had met Doyoung through Yuta, introduced as ‘Taeil’s friend, he’s cool,’ it had been so easy to talk to him, so easy to… to _be_ with him. Their friendship had been so simple – and taking it to the next step had just seemed… obvious.

Maybe too obvious. Maybe too easy.

With nausea still roiling in his stomach, he forced himself, step-by-step to return to the Institute. As he walked through the front doors, a pair of dark haired teens grinned at him, hands intertwined, Parabatai runes stark on the back of their wrists. Falsities. All he could see was the mock manners projected on the faces of the people that were supposed to be above such immoral betrayal.

He stumbled back into the meeting hall, thankfully spotting Johnny still in his seat, pouring over some papers. He sat down heavily, and folded his arms over his chest. Johnny looked over at him. He frowned, pushing his glasses to the top of his head. “What’s wrong? Where’s Doyoung?” Jaehyun flinched at the name, and shook his head. “Jae?” Johnny’s voice softened. “Did something happen?”

Jaehyun shook his head again. “I’ll- I’ll tell you when we get home.” He managed, as somewhere, a bell chimed, signalling the five minute warning for the end of the break. Normally, he and Doyoung would still be wrapped in each other, leaving it as late as they possibly could. Normally, he’d be smiling, lips tingling, Doyoung fixing his hair as they hurried back through the halls – giggling like schoolchildren. _Normally-_

Jaehyun watched as Doyoung filed in with the rest of the Shadowhunters, brow crinkled as he scanned the hall. Jaehyun knew he’d be looking for him, and so he had a second to school his features into blankness before Doyoung’s eyes fell upon him. He raised a brow minutely, and once upon a time, Jaehyun would have found the gesture endearing. Not now. Not after… after... that.

“Once again, we want to extend our thanks to you all – both for your attendance here today, and for your continued efforts against the demon invasions. Rest assured, we are all working hard to understand the increase in activity, and when we know why – we will let you know so that we can put a stop to the danger. Our final item on the list…”

Jaehyun stopped listening. He couldn’t bring himself to focus – running over every moment he should have realised was too good to be true.

 

* * *

 

Jaehyun led the way out of the Institute, near running to escape the place. He didn’t miss the confused look Johnny exchanged with Yukhei. “Where’s the car?” he asked the younger man roughly.

Yukhei opened his mouth to reply, when a hand closed around Jaehyun’s wrist. He turned, meeting Doyoung’s wide, concerned eyes. He felt himself go very still. “Um, we’ll wait for you in the car, bro. It’s in the next street.” Yukhei said uneasily. Johnny hovered for a moment longer, before he followed Yukhei, the pair of them loping down the steps of the Institute out of the gate, and onto the street – easily taller than any other pedestrian.

When they were gone, Jaehyun wrenched his wrist out of Doyoung’s grip with a ferocity that made the shorter man stumble. Jaehyun didn’t steady him. Doyoung’s concern faded to irritation. “What was that for?” he demanded, “And why didn’t you meet me? What happened?”

Jaehyun felt anger rise in him then, because how _dare_ he be made to be the bad guy right now. “Why don’t you tell me?” he responded with a growl.

Doyoung blinked. He wasn’t used to hostility from Jaehyun. In an ironic twist in their relationship, Doyoung was usually the hot-headed one, Jaehyun a voice of reason. “I don’t know what you mean…” he said stepping back, and onto the stair above Jaehyun, bringing himself to eye-level.

Jaehyun swallowed thickly, feeling infuriating tears rising in his eyes. He wasn’t sad – not yet anyway – but he cried when he was angry, much to his embarrassment. “Am I nothing to you?” he asked instead, clenching his fists. He didn’t care that his volume was rising, that Doyoung flinched, looking around to see if anyone was listening. “I may be some dumb _‘puppy’_ , but I thought… I thought you weren’t like them!” He spat. Doyoung had gone very still and quiet, colour draining from his cheeks. “I-” He knew he should step away, he should go before he said something he would regret. “I _love_ you.” _Too late_. And now tears were rolling down his cheeks. Doyoung was silent. Jaehyun laughed bitterly. “If you had one shred of decency in your body, you would go – and save me the misery of looking at you. I know what you are now, and I can’t believe I trusted you. But don’t worry – you can tell your _precious_ conclave that the wolves are still with you. _We_ don’t dishonour an oath of trust.” Jaehyun said derisively, sniffling pathetically. 

Doyoung took another step back. Jaehyun knew that look on his face. It was him shutting down, closing off – the same one he wore after a fight, when the blood of enemies and friends alike was drying around them. Doyoung paused in his retreat. “I’m sorry.” He said softly, unable to meet Jaehyun’s eyes. Jaehyun spat on the ground, and turned from Doyoung. He heard a muffled sob from behind him and closed his eyes resolutely – listening as Doyoung ran up the steps and into the Institute. He listened to the great front doors close with a thud, and dropped like a stone.

Jaehyun cried on the Institute steps, utterly alone. Shakily, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent a text to Johnny, telling them to go. He couldn’t face them right now – not like this. He couldn’t face Yuta, and tell him that there was a possibility that _his_ boyfriend didn’t love him. He buried his face in his knees, curling into himself.

“Oh.” The softly startled voice from above him made him flinch. “Well now, it’s not everyday you see a werewolf crying on the front door step of an Institute.” The voice was kind, but faintly amused. Jaehyun lifted his head. A shortish man was smiling down at him. Jaehyun recognised him instantly as the warlock that had presented at the meeting, identifiable by his obvious warlock marks. In the setting sun, his white hair and pale lavender skin were glowing faintly, his jewel-green eyes sparkling down at Jaehyun. He extended a hand, and Jaehyun took it. “What’s your name, dear?”

“Jaehyun.” He said, confused at the kindness.

The warlock’s smile grew. “Ah, are you one of Donghyuck’s pack members?”

Jaehyun blinked at him. “Um, yes?” It was more a question - because Jaehyun could not place the man.

“Sorry, my name is Kun – I’m Renjun and Chenle’s guardian.” The warlock – Kun – supplied, and Jaehyun suddenly realised why he was so familiar. He wondered why he had forgotten such a physically unique person. He’d seen Kun, a _long_ time ago, when he had picked Donghyuck up from his house. He was also the High Warlock of their city. Though – he reasoned – Kun was usually glamoured. He was also staring at Jaehyun expectantly, and Jaehyun realised belatedly that he had asked something.

“Sorry – what did you say?” Jaehyun could feel himself colour under the indulgent look the warlock gave him.

“I asked if you’d like a lift home.” Kun said.

Almost against his will, Jaehyun felt himself nod. Part of him was relieved to not be alone, part of him was loathe to take comfort in a near stranger. But he was sick of being strong, and right now he just needed to sleep, to work out what to tell his pack – if he was going to tell them at all. He hadn’t been lying when he had told Doyoung that they wouldn’t break oath. Even if there hadn’t been a promise made between the wolves and the Shadowhunters, they would still run patrol, still protect civilians – Downworlders and mundanes alike – from the demonic threat. The fact that they had thought they would need some sort of incentive to do their _moral duty_ was… insulting in itself. It just further displayed the deep rooted hatred and distrust on their side.

Kun led him out of the Institute, humming to himself. Jaehyun caught a distinct whiff of something burning and sweet, and before his eyes – in between blinks – he watched as Kun’s glamour appeared, so perfect and thick that Jaehyun wouldn’t have even know there was a glamour if he hadn’t watched it happen.

He sat in the passenger seat of Kun’s soccer-mom minivan – and watched as the man worked through a small safety check, adjusting his mirrors minutely and double checking his seat-belt. It was kind of endearing.

“You don’t mind if we stop to pick up the kids, do you?”

Jaehyun shook his head absently. _The kids._

Even now, he could sense that they were, in fact, Kun’s children – or as good as – the car was filled with little mementos of a _normal_ life. Scorch marks on the ceiling, a book shoved under the seat, empty juice cartons, a tiny star drawn in sharpie pen, a messy essay with an A circled in red, scrunched up on the floor. Jaehyun wondered why the warlock kept the car as it was. Surely, a click of his fingers and it would be gone.

If only erasing Doyoung was as easy as warlock magic.

_Maybe_ …

“Do you…” Jaehyun began, before his thoughts caught up with him, but Kun was already looking over at him curiously. Jaehyun swallowed. “Do you ever… work with memory magic?”

Kun looked at him slowly, eyes sad. “That’s not a good idea, Jaehyun. It may hurt now, but-”

At this – Jaehyun felt some of his anger come to the surface again. “And what would you know about it? What could you possibly know about how I’m feeling?” he said derisively, cruelly.

A wave of deep, old sorrow passed over Kun’s features before he could hide it. The car rolled to a stop, and Kun switched the engine off, looking defeated. “Enough to know that forgetting won’t ease the pain.” Jaehyun opened his mouth to apologize, when the back doors opened. Jaehyun flinched at the sudden increase of noise, and the sudden smile that burst across Kun’s face, making him radiant.

“Kun-ma-! Oh. Hey, Jaehyun.” Jaehyun turned around in his seat, to come nose-to-nose with Chenle, who was sticking his face into the front, looking happy but confused. “What are you doing here?”

“I-” Jaehyun began, no idea what to say.

“He was escorting me to the meeting today, _Bǎobǎo_ , I’m just giving him a lift home.” Kun said smoothly, and Jaehyun shot him a grateful look. Kun pressed a kiss to Chenle’s cheek, making the young boy grin. “Put your seatbelt on.” Chenle sat back, and belted himself in. The boot slammed shut, and Renjun appeared in the other door, accompanied by a tall boy with a baby face that belayed his age. “Hey, honey – and hello there, Jisung- _chǒng'ér_ am I dropping you home as well?”

The boy – Jisung – coloured spectacularly, but nodded. “If that’s okay Mr. Qian.” Kun smiled at him.

“Of course, but how many times have I told you to call me Kun.”

“Too many.” Renjun sighed, staring out the window dramatically, as Jisung folded himself into the backseat. Jaehyun wondered if he had any werewolf blood in him – to be so tall so young. It was easy to get lost in the playful – and not so playful – banter and bickering from the boys in the back, and the parental warmth Kun exuded. It was only when he realised they were pulling up outside the packhouse did he feel the creeping pain of everything that had happened. He still didn’t know what to tell his pack.

A hand on his, smoothing out the fist he was clenching in his lap, made him startle out of the encroaching march of emotions threatening to engulf him. Kun was smiling at him again. “You don’t have to go in, if you don’t want. You’re welcome to stay for dinner tonight.”

Jaehyun was tempted – so very, very tempted – it would be so easy to just forget about it for a night, use the warmth and kindness offered to him as a buffer.

But no.

He’d learnt the hard way. The easy way only inevitably led to pain. And besides – Johnny should know that the trust didn’t go both ways. He owed a deep loyalty to his pack, and he wouldn’t let heartbreak come before it.

“No, I- I should go. Thank you. So much.” He said, and reached for the door handle.

“You’re brave, Jaehyun. Take care of yourself. You know where to find me, if you need me.” Kun said softly. Jaehyun felt his heart warm slightly, tempering the heaviness that he could feel draining him. He could only nod – and watch them drive away, Chenle waving through the back window.

Jaehyun stood illuminated by the neon lights of his packhouse. He tried to pretend that the tears gathering in his eyes were a result of the light staining and straining his retinas – feeling them run hot down his face even as he squared his shoulders as he headed towards the entrance.

In his head, to the beat of his footsteps as he dragged himself up the stairs to Johnny’s office, their motto played over, and over.

_Quod ita sit bellator est non facile._

_Quod ita sit bellator est non facile._

_Quod ita sit bellator est non facile._

_The warrior's way is never easy._

_The warrior's way is never easy._

_The warrior's way is never easy._


End file.
